“So I leaned into one of my strengths of encourager and decided that I would start every day being outer-focused instead of inner-focused and write someone a personal note.”
There are times we go through when we are not completely confident in our abilities, and it takes a change of perspective or focus for us to get back to being ourselves. Today, our Leadership coach, Missy, gives us some helpful points on how we can get off the “Crazy Train” and back to…the regular train.
Hi! Can I get a virtual show of hands if you’ve ever thought to yourself “What the heck am I even doing?” or “Why would anyone ever trust me to help them when I’m such a hot mess myself?”
Well, earlier this month I had one of those weeks where I could not shake those limiting beliefs. I was having back to back coaching calls with students, I was coaching multiple Your Leadership Foundation groups, and I was bringing on new 1:1 clients -all great stuff -but almost every time I would get off a call I felt unsure, exhausted, and doubtful that I was making an impact in anyone’s life. What the heck was happening??
I knew I couldn’t keep going this way, and I feared that my Imposter Syndrome (it’s a real thing -look it up) would start to show up in my ability to coach and help others. So I used a few tried and true tricks to pull myself up (with the help of a few friends) and reset these dangerous thoughts.
For those who may have faced these same feelings of self-doubt I want to share 4 quick tips for how I reset those dangerous thoughts and starting believing in myself again.
First, Be Honest and Tell Someone. The most important thing I did was reach out and tell my co-coach and bestie, Karen, and my amazing mentor, Tasha, what I was feeling. Karen has known me for 15 years and is my honest sounding board and biggest cheerleader.
Her advice -”You are a Ducking Rockstar -stop it.” (listen to Episode 279 for some context). Of course, she dug a little deeper into my WHY first, but she knew I needed words of affirmation. Tasha’s gift is always to help me analyze what is causing my feelings so she was able to help me with a few tips, which I’m going to share, and look at the evidence at hand and ask “Was I really failing others? Or did I need to look at myself in a little different way?”
At the end of the day, I am thankful that we have a team culture that is not only set up to celebrate the heck out of all the great things but also that it allows us to feel safe to share when we are struggling.
If you have a team – how are you creating a culture of resilience so that your people are able to come back from the tough times? Are you someone that others can go to when they are feeling a bit crazy or lost?
Second, Look at the Facts. Did it make sense that I was feeling this way? What kind of feedback was I getting from my clients?
When I paused and asked these questions I was able to see that it didn’t make much sense to feel that I wasn’t helping others when my clients themselves were telling me otherwise. I was gaining new 1:1 clients and my YLF students were having all kinds of lightbulb moments and AHAs. Don’t ignore the actual goodness that you are doing – be sure to seek out feedback and truly listen to what they are saying.
Another part of this was that I took a hard look at my schedule. I know myself and I need time to prepare for calls and process my thoughts after I coach with someone, and I had found that I had set myself up with very little time between my coaching calls. Once I made this adjustment and blocked out 15-20 minutes before and after calls, I felt so much more balanced.
Which leads me to my next tip, Manage Your Expectations. Are you expecting to light the world on fire on every coaching call or every interaction with a customer? More importantly, do they need you to show up as their savior and superhero? Or do they just need you to be there for them consistently providing a safe place to learn and grow?
I would argue the latter, but I found myself getting off calls expecting more of myself than my clients and students needed. They were learning and growing but I was missing the little moments because I was looking for the monumental shifts.
Recently, I had a student in my leadership group who shared that she did a first coaching call with one of her builders and she left feeling like it was super clunky and completely unsure if it was helpful, but shortly after the call she got a text from her builder thanking her so much for being there for her and for all the support she felt from their time together. It got her excited for the next call. Know that you being there for someone is sometimes all they need.
Finally, I’d recommend taking a moment to Change Your Focus. When I was on the Crazy Train of self-doubt, I needed a way to get off the train. I had to find a way to restart my day and let that train of uncertainty pass, so I leaned into one of my strengths of encourager and decided that I would start every day being outer-focused instead of inner-focused and write someone a personal note.
I’ve found that if instead of getting on Facebook or Instagram and scrolling through all the posts that can often feed my self-doubt and start my day by putting my style of love out into the world that I begin my day feeling stronger and ready to impact the lives of others. And also believe that I can do it. Now I’ve fallen back in belief with myself. 🙂
Guys, thank you for allowing me to share a tough time with you in the hopes that you can get off your own Crazy Train should you find yourself on the wrong path of self-doubt one day, too!
Thank you so much for ready today’s post. To sign up for one of our free trainings on closing, recruiting, or leadership go to emergesalestraining.com/freetraining.
Have a great day!